Dating Your Ex
Posted on September 21, 2007 | Filed Under Dating
If you find yourself considering dating your ex it is probably a good idea to weigh up all reasons for and against getting back together with a previous partner. Of course people break up with their ex for a number of different reasons and they are not always all bad. For this reason dating your ex could be a step in the right direction depending on why your relationship dissolved previously although in many cases, dating your ex could simply be a recipe for disaster. Let me explain with a few examples I think most people could relate to on some level.
Usually when you consider the dissolution of any relationship you think about reasons like unhappiness, family issues, arguments, moving in different directions or simple incompatibility. If you broke up in the first place for any of these reasons, dating your ex might not be such a good idea. In most cases your relationship didn’t work the first time because you both of you were not on the same page or in other words, you were not compatible with your partner and when this is the case, continuing your relationship will only lead to frustration for you both.
Considering dating you ex after a failed relationship on the first try might be due to feelings of loneliness and this is understandable but don’t just think about the good times you shared previously. Most people who are lonely can justify taking almost any action that will lead them away from the empty feeling of loneliness. If overcoming loneliness is a primary concern it is even more important to take a long hard look at your previous relationship with your ex and remember what it was that caused your relationship to fail the first time. Sure you want someone in your life but if you know it could not work last time, do you think both of you have changed that much that it will work now. There is no definitive answer here but making a decision based on loneliness or maybe through the clouded judgment of a few drinks might not be a move in the right direction. Try to remember everything that happened last time, not just the good times.
Dating your ex a second time around could be a worthwhile opportunity if you broke up previously due to circumstances that were out of your control. Perhaps your relationship was progressing just fine but one of you had to move away from the area to take up a new job or move away with your family. Dating your ex who previously had to move away to college or move internationally would be other examples of a potential positive opportunity worth considering. If you have spent considerable time apart you may have evolved or matured into very different people and this could work both ways. You might be much more compatible or perhaps not but if you never had many problems the first time around, this could be the start of a successful relationship although you will not know until you decide to get together.
All in all I think most people would advise against dating your ex and in most cases this would probably be a wise move. However, depending on the nature of your break up previously, dating your ex after a lengthy period apart could be worthwhile. In any case, if you do decide to date your ex, keep and eye out for any early warning signs that signal the same type of red flags you noticed when you dated previously.
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